i just came back from uncle benny's wake.
many thoughts & feelings.

i hold on my tears.
mainly cause i felt bad.
& also infilial.
because of what cousins are doing for their dad.
hence, i felt i didnt do much for ma
even after she passed on.
im just carrying on t this burden.
that will follow me for life.
its this guilt in me.
all those things that i've done t ma.
forsake her for them
which is so not worth it.
but i cant 'bu chang' mama anymore.
no more chance.
this kind of guilt is not one could understand
that is forever.
till the day i die.
because i've done wrong.
no turning back
cause time wouldnt turned back.

i dont wish t step out of my comfort zone
that i have been living with
which ma have drawn out this comfort zone for me.


i have t be strong
because i've got t set good example
for sister t look upon.
hence, i have t hide my weakness.

i know i can do it.
hide all those bad emotions within.
dont let others see.
cause i dont want t affect others.