i was rather upset with boy regarding some stuff and it makes me feel that we are drifting away. but i didnt tell him about this. sometimes when i tell him things, he will thinks that i think too much. so for this reason i choose to keep it to myself. and thus, i got a habit of keeping things to myself. not even letting my mum or sis know.

i know it isnt very good of keeping things to myself but then i dont have a choice. and recently im stressed up with work. OT till very late almost everyday as long as my manager is around. i know that my manager put in alot of hope in me but she just simply gave me too much work. the stress that she is giving me is really undescribable. she wants me to stay after i get my results if i fail but she make it sounds like i am staying for sure.

i admit these few days i didnt have much heart into my job that why i am making mistakes.i am tired too at times. having to wake up super early just to go to work but end work later each day. sometimes even skip my meals. that's why i had terrible gastric early this morning. skip work and rest at home. i wanted to unwind myself and spent some time with boy but he's too busy to make time for me. i know that friends are impt but then he finds that i am controlling too much. i scarifise friends for the sake of him even if he just call me saying that he want my company, i would put him first. but many a times when i wasnt feeling well or just stressed up, i told of boy but he's busy with studies or friends. i admit at times i didnt directly tell him that i want his company, just hoping that he will come and look for me but nahs. i was just hoping and asking for too much.

am i really that demanding?

or am i just asking for too much?

i've been feeling terrible. crying to unwind myself. for work and boy. maybe you guys might think im just too weak, not independent enough. some i also despise myself. im just someone who is good for nothing but crying. i got to depend on my mood medicine again cause i think its getting worse. didnt let anyone know. i know it isnt a good thing to be depending on medicine but i dont know how to stop it. i felt like i was a burden to everyone. friends and family. i tried so hard just not to be anyone's burden but i just dont seem to do it well. maybe its time for me to get an appointment with Dr Tham at TTSH again. maybe i'll feel better talking to her then.

waiting is such an unbearable feeling and state to be in.
coldness is what happens after waiting.
warm is what happens after coldness.
doubting is what happens after warm.
quarrels is what happen after doubting.
war is what happens after quarrels.
waiting would be what happens after war.

the cycle goes round and round. can the cycle be broken?

i need to adapt to new life. but more imptly i want to be a happy girl always with lots of smiles and laughter.

can i?