just woke up after yesterday night taken those sleeping pills and anti-depression pills given by the doctor. finally had one full night of sleep. felt slightly better but then still feeling abit blur blur about things around me and feeling lethagic. i want more sleeping pills.

sometimes when i stare into blank for quite sometime, i will start tearing. cant control them. i need to get out of this. since he can be out of this relationship fast enough so can i. i will prove to him that i can live better without him. time will show. but now i just need lots of time to heal up myself- both physically and mentally.

i am guitly for making my mum so worried on me. and alot others. i am sorry guys. didnt want things to turn out this way. i tried but still cant help it. sorry.

to JR:
im glad that you are doing well. living a better life without me. good to see that. soon, i will be like the same as you. though we cant be lover anymore but yeah, maybe sometime down the road we can still be friends. you might feel sick whenever you see me but i dont blame you. be back that JR i used to know. super nice guy that i know. take care.