i did something really foolish today.

i cut my own wrist. swee lahs. again, its not painful anymore. really. i had lots of plan on how to leave this earth peacefully. one whole night i didnt sleep. awake all the way till now. amazingly i am tired but yet super awake.

yesterday's night is still clearly in my head. everytime i wanna sleep, once i close my eyes, the scenes will just appear clearly just like the flashback machine. i must admit that i am badly traumatized by yesterday night for all those things that happen and especially those words said and truth known. i never know that those word really hurt me deeply to the point that i really broke down and just kept crying.

when i reach bestie's home, i thought of committing suicide after being traumatized by you. that's when the foolish part came in. two cuts on my wrist. woke bestie up and clear things up. how i wish i was the one dead drunk can. instead i was the one being sober. now, i am hurt real badly with lots of holes and wounds on me.

you always hopes and wants me to understand your stands but have you ever thought of mine? put yourself into my shoes. i doubt you will never do so. you always have your reasons and excuses so that people could be just understanding and reasonable about your doings but have you ever thought and consider about other's feeling? you are just plainly being selfish and an asshole.