something is wrong with me. i am just not being myself these days.

kept thinking about what's wrong with me. you can say i wasnt optimistic enough or pushing myself off the cliff etc. i am trying to be positive and not pushing myself to the extreme. i just dont feel like talking anymore. whether issit to him or to anyone. just wanna keep this to myself.

its just being too tough on him and i have been really asking for too much. time for me to wake up and not dream on those unrealistic dreams. its jsut being too hard and tough on others and i am just being selfish in this way. no. i cant always satisify my own wants but demands from others like that. like this chinese phrase "ba zi ji de tong ku jian li zai bie ren de tong ku zhi shang".

i'll be fine really soon. just give me some time to think about things and get used to it. i already planned my week with lots of things(with the help of bestie) so that i wouldnt be thinking so much and that i could just fall asleep when i am on my bed. i just hate having sleepless nights. but my past one week, i have been having sleepless nights and i sleeps early in the morning like seven and only wakes up in the afternoon. having dark circles round my eyes just like panda's eyes.

bestie, i'll be alrights. dont worry. if i have anything i will just talk things out. with you around, i guess i will be as happy as before especially with all your crazy nonsenses.